It's a Girl

So I did my online application for a gun licence in preparation of all the horny teenage boys that will be flocking to my door in about 16 years!

Honestly, I really thought it would be a boy. I fully believe that the universe will never give you anything you can't handle, but once again, I was foiled. I have no idea what to do with a girl!! From as far back as I can remember it was always me stealing my brother's toys because I wanted GI Joe, not Barbie... I could kick a ball further, bowl like Alan Donald, shoot a katty, build go-carts, climb trees....basically I was a boy with a vajay-jay! So dealing with a baby boy was gonna be peanuts. I could already see me running up and down the sideline, yelling at his under-10 rugby coach while proudly proclaiming to the world that the left winger was mine! I don't know if that goes down well at ballet class...

I think my main hiccup in all this is the fact that I really don't get women. I do not understand the moods, the double meanings in things, the hidden agenda's, none if it makes sense. I think I was absent the day those were handed out. So am I going to understand this little bundle of pink joy???

Don't get me wrong...I'm not disappointed and won't be one of those parents who raise their girls like boys cause that's what they wanted, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to make some pearler mistakes. As it is, I'm currently stumped as to what to get a friend's one-year-old for her birthday. I don't know what 1 yr-old girls like! I don't even know what 26yr old girls like....ask my wife! It seems like everything I look at in the shops has little flowers and fairies on, so I guess little girls like those, but to me the little dogs and choo-choo trains are so much cuter....

In the meantime, the wife is now on mission Pink. Not that everything is the colour pink, but I believe she is loving the idea of doing the little girly thing. Now she can completely indulge in everything that is lacking in our house (we're not really the girly type of Lesbines.....). I'm pretty sure that I will soon have to haul out the paint rollers and redo the spare room into a little girls' dream environment. The fact that all the tyke is going to be doing in there for the next couple of years is sleep, dribble, throw up and poop, is entirely beside the fact. All my bookshelves are being thrown out, the spare double bed was exchanged for a single so sorry for all the couples who were planning on sleeping over and the whole room has been shifted and moved about so often I keep stubbing my toes on things that weren't there the day before!

Now the discussion moves to what furniture the baby needs. It's a baby...what could it possible need except a place to sleep???
"Should we get a compactum with built-in baby bath?"
"WTF is a compactum??? (envisioning some sort of fold-a-baby-in-half machine)
"It's a chest of drawers with a changing station on top, silly" (she's all calm and sweet right now...it's kind of scary!)

I'm pretty sure my mom never had a changing station. Is it branded and owned by BP or Shell?? Are there attendants or is it self-service?
What happened to changing the nappy on a bed? And why can't the kid be bathed in the bathroom like a normal person?

I have a funny feeling that I'm going to be spending a lot of time outside with the dogs, cause I'm pretty sure they're not going to understand what's going on either!

Anyway those are all the things going through my mind....in the meantime, here's Kori.......