Pregnant Fairy

I'm sure you're wondering what the hiatus was all about, well, let me tell you, living with a pregnant fairy is not as Walt Disney as it sounds. We've got a little morning routine which involves me being woken up by a few not so surreptitious kicks in the ankle. These nudges basically mean "get your butt out of bed and make me something to eat before I throw up on you!" So I crawl out of bed, let the dogs out after checking to see if they've peed on my couches (a new trick of theirs), feed the screaming cat while making the love of my life a bowl of Cheerios or Rice Crispies (depending on the flavour of the week). What makes this little routine really crappy is that I have to do all this while trying to wake up without the added assistance that my morning cup of Jacobs normally gives me because said pregnant fairy can't handle the smell of coffee!
She's trying to get me to take over gestation duties! I don't know where this idea that pregnancy is like shift-work came from, but she's sure she can just hand over to me and go clubbing or something.
"You take it...it's your turn!"
"But baby, you wanted to carry, I said we should adopt!"
"Well, I've changed my mind."

She wants to be normal again. Normal?? Please all you deity's out there.....let her be normal again!!
Let me justify this little plea...
Most people understand that there are several hormonal and behavioral changes that occur during pregnancy. It's "normal" for the pregnant fairy to become moody, have cravings and aversions and to burst into tears for no apparant reason because you've just agreed to do something for her and she now feels guilty for asking in the first place!
What they don't tell you is that she turns into a bit of a...I'm trying to think of a word that won't get me slapped....damn, I don't think there is one...ok, she turns into a bit of a BOY! My wife has never been one to let go of any bodily gases. If one happens to slip out whether it be from above or below, she turns beet-red and apologises for days. Not any more. Ever since the alien implantation, she's become like the quintessential man who does the "pull my finger" routine!! And there's no more embarrasment, now it cackles like the wicked witch in Hansel and Gretel and fans everything in my direction because I have to be a part of everything during this pregnancy. My dwindling bank account is going dip even more because gas masks are apparently quite expensive!
Another big change is a personality one. My wife is normally the sweetest person around. She has adopted an elderly lady up the road and regularly visits to read to her and do her feet etc. This elderly lady recently told her that all these pregnancy pains and nausea she's having would not have been tolerated in her day, she would have been told to shush and go about her business. Pregnant Fairy's response?
"Well if you'd broken your hip 30 years ago, they would have put you down!"

She's not so nice anymore and I'm afraid.