And she's here......

I know....cute right?? I know how parents always think their kids are the most beautiful, amazing beings, but really?? This is the most amazing, beautiful creature out there....

Ok, so a lot has happened and I've been very lacks with the blog (humble apologies to be inserted here). However, if any of you are parents, you will know that time becomes completely irrelevant when there's a little terror around. Let me fill you in...

Birth: We went if for a checkup when Kris was about a week overdue, only to find that she was already 5cm dilated (ouch) without feeling a thing. Super Sue (the midwife) decided then and there to induce and waters were promptly broken. The aforementioned waters managed to get themselves everywhere....Sue sat in them, I stepped in them, nastiness!! Anyhooo....about half an hour after popping the balloon, Kris was begging Sue to put said waters right back where they came from!! An hour after that she was begging all and sundry for drugs of any and all descriptions (none of which were forthcoming). Little Kori popped out about four hours after labour was induced and all of a sudden all pain and discomfort was forgotten and all insults, swearwords and general nastiness thrown my way went into the "I don't remember a thing" vault. I must admit though, I developed a new-found respect for my wonderful wife after her ordeal. Anyone who can go through that and deal with such a huge amount of pain is amazing! (But I've told you this loads of times, Mommy!)

Cutting the cord: Believe it or not, I actually did this....freaky! The umbilical cord is like a life-form all on it's own. It pulsates, it's wriggly, it's just plain strange...and I cut it! Then, while I'm still dealing with this trauma, out pops the placenta. I'm like, Woah there cowboy, not quite ready for alien invasion just yet! And there are people out there who eat that??? The only thing I could think of was to use it as a prop in my next sci-fi film....

Latching: Ok, this is where the fun begins.... Apparently it's really important to get the little worm to latch on to a boob asap. However, Kris, being her usual practical self, decided the best place for her and her (graphic description coming up for those squeamish ones....) bleeding netheryeya was the loo. So my child's first taste of freedom happened while mom was proudly perching on the great white throne!!

The first night was spent gooing and gaaing over our new bundle while Kris facebooked, texted and BBM'd the world! Most of the pics have me holding the worm and Kris holding her phone!

First Poop: Ok, this is just plain scary. No-one tells you that the first discharge is literally 9 months worth of back-up that has somehow transformed into this black sludge that kinda reminded me of the stuff Spiderman's evil twin used to shoot out in Spiderman 3 (crappy sequel!). Everytime you attempt to wipe it away, it just springs back, attaching another wet wipe to your baby's ass! I wanted to take her into the garden and hose her down, but apparently that's frowned upon. And of course, through it all she's lying there with this "I told you I'd get you back" look on her face, little terrorist. Another thing they don't tell you, is that this little bundle of "joy" farts worse than a fifty-year-old on a diet of cabbage and baked beans! This child of mine can single-assedly put a herd of cows to shame with the amount of methane she puts out...Mind you, at least I have someone I can blame mine on now.

Kori is now 8 weeks old and has a firm grasp on controlling the entire household. The cat is terrified of her, the dogs are not quite sure what to make of her and her parents cater to her every whim. She is definately the queen-bee.
More later.....