Exploding Mamma

I'm not even joking...if this carries on any longer, I'm expecting this to happen to very pregnant fairy any minute! We are now a week overdue and it seems like the fruit of psychology major's loins is trying to set a record for hanging around a womb (maybe I should contact Guinness or Ripley's). When I was at school I read this book called Spring Sonata, by Bernice Rubens, and I reckon my zygote assimilated this knowledge somehow, because the book is about a baby who decides not to come out and ends up writing his memoirs while in-uterus!!! Odd I know, but I can imagine my progeny sticking her little arm out in the middle of the night and snagging a notepad and a Bic and scribbling away while we lament her late arrival!

I know it's nothing to worry about, it's not like she's stopped kicking Kris in the crotch or anything, but I'd really like to meet the little sproglet already...

So the update is as follows...Pregnant fairy is the size of a house and like an oil-tanker needs about three kilometres to turn! The whole bed has become her domain and she regularly uses me as a fulcrum at night to lever herself into a more comfortable position. This maneuvering happens regularly every half hour or so which inevitably leads to a trip to the commode accompanied by different levels of moaning and groaning which results in both the dogs howling in sympathy!

Our Doulla (for those not in the know, a Doulla is kind of like a mid-wife's assistant) came by the other day to give us some pressure point pointers, if you will. I now draw a rising sun on preggie fairy's lower back with a lit charcoal-like pencil which puts her in sort of a coma and makes her sigh a lot. Not quite sure what this does, but apparently she now has little flutters in her belly and I have writer's cramp. She also showed me where the reflexology points are...
Maria (doulla) : "Find the ankle bone, measure four finger widths above it and apply pressure, that's the womb"
Me: "The ankle what?"
SLAP
Me: "ouch!!"
I mean really, how do you locate a 9-month pregnant woman's ankles?? They disappeared sometime during the second trimester! There's just a tree-trunk down there with absolutely no distinction between foot, calf or thigh.

Anyway, despite several sleepless nights filled with contractions, flutters, something-like-period-pains and my unborn digging into her cervix, fairy is still hanging on to her water for dear life.
The next step is going in for an internal examination and I'm still trying to convince her to do a "When Harry met Sally" type orgasm scene just to see the midwife's response!!!